Going through the motions, faking it somehow

I am so SICK of myself sometimes jesus

I was stuck in a rut with work and out of nowhere there’s this Italian artist who came to me to ask if I could be her scriptwriter; I check out her work, it’s quite good

So we chatted, and I thought, I wanna do something with Mongols, and I could make them gay Mongols, but also let’s add a whole bunch of politics and conspiracies because I love that shit, right

So I imagine a first storyline that’s quite simple because I haven’t gotten down to reseach yet, and i try to explain it to her via Skype, and I don’t know if it’s a problem of language or what but she says she understands nothing

I tell her, it's okay, maybe you'll understand better once I've written it down

And now I'm stuck again and I have zero motivation to work on the fucking thing -- I also have zero motivation to work on the rest of the stuff I have to do

Why does everything have to be so hard

I need people who feel excited by the stories I invent for them, that's what motivates me, but if I have to fucking drag their weight around as well I just lose all will to do anything, give me SOMETHING to get fuel in my tank fucking hell, I NEED ENCOURAGEMENT I AM AN ARTISTBABY CHANGE ME MY ARTISTNAPPIES

Where's my Akaashi when I need him I want one get me one