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sevenswellsTitle: Hoshi no Suna
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sevenswells
Rating: PG 13
(One True) Pairing: Gackt/Miyavi
Warnings: Not safe for work, yaoi, angst, alternate universe.
Word Count: 968 w.
Comments: Dedicated tokamexkame, most perfect beta and friend ever. Thank you deeply, my dear.
Still one chapter to go before it all ends. I'm being very emotional about it, aren't I?
One day as we were practising side by side, I asked Chacha, after one of his spectacular riffs, what his secret for being that good was. I wasn't particularly awaiting an answer, but he paused to think and replied:
-Imperfection.
My face might have borne some kind of quizzical expression at this point, because he went on, brandishing his guitar at arm's length:
"I'll never get the hang of this thing, it's a total burden for me. To start with, I had it all wrong: I actually thought I could get the hang of it. I practised like mad, without ever even getting close to what I had in my mind. Then, one magical day, everything just... unraveled.
-How so?
-The day I understood I'd never get anywhere close, that was the day I finally started producing something interesting.
-You've gotta be kidding.
-I swear to God, it unraveled, all of a sudden, it really did. Because, in the end, nothing's more boring than perfection, it doesn't catch one's ear. It's not intriguing. What's more, any useless bum out there can accomplish technical prowesses if only he gets down to it. On the other hand, once you've accepted and processed your fundamental imperfection, you know, just as a plain, stupid human being? That's when you can transcend it, and impose yourself, your subjectivity.
A silence, then he looked at me, scratching his beak-like nose, as though he felt self-conscious about throwing all those grandiloquent words at my face:
"Cause, that's what art is all about, right? Subjectivity. Following the same idea, that's also what visual rock is about, too. It's like, some kind of, absolute art, you know?
-Okay, so it's all about subjectivity, but also, and correct me if I'm wrong: about imperfection.
-That's, roughly, the idea, yes.
-Then what about Kamui?
He suddenly gave out a suprised laugh, as if he hadn't expected that one at all. His eyes still smiling, he said to me:
-Kamui... it's not the same thing.
The first words that left Kamui's mouth when I came back from my trip to Europe were: "How was Germany?"
Afterwards we discussed about it, sensibly, like two very civilized human beings.
I don't even remember that conversation, and words didn't matter. There was only this unforgiving feeling that, whatever I could say or do, it couldn't be helped in any way. All I had left to do was to pack my bags and leave.
-Do you think I've changed?
Kyo handed me my cup of tea without saying anything.
I tried again:
-I mean, I wanted to know whether you found me, like, different, or not?
He took his time to sit in front of me and folded his arms, elbows on the table.
-The blue-grey hair and the mohawk, they're new, aren't they, from your last clip? Looks good on you.
-It's from my trip to Europe. It's not what I'm asking you, stop that.
-Why don't you tell me what happened to make you come back all of a sudden and ask me existential questions?
-I'd rather not. Am I bothering you? Tell me if I am, okay.
-Come on, enough with that, I already told you I like having you around bugging me. I'm just a bit worried. You look distressed.
-Have you seen Takeshi lately?
-He drops by, from time to time. He's moved out, and that created expenses, so he has some money problems...
-Stop giving it to him.
-...
-Kyo?
-Yeah, yeah.
-I'm serious: stop giving money to him. Do you promise me?
-Yes, okay.
A pause.
-I've bought your album, he said finally.
-Ah.
-You should give me an autograph. It's great.
-You don't have to...
-No, really, it's really great.
-Thanks.
-Are you already preparing the next one, or...?
-Nah, I don't think I will.
I nursed my cup of tea between my hands.
"It wasn't really my world, I said without thinking. It wasn't for me.
Kyo handled me with kid gloves and kept his tone neutral:
-How so?
-I'm... a mongrel, I explained, inspired, as if struck by lightning. My only talent is my rage to survive.
-Don't say that.
I snickered.
-Whatever, let's talk about something else, I offered.
-What about?
-Are you seeing someone these days?
-Yes.
-How is he?
-He's kind. It's a change. Where have you been sleeping these last days? You can always come back here, you know. Whenever.
-I know. I'm good. Don't worry.
A silence, then I said again:
-Actually, Takeshi and I bumped into each other not very long ago.
-Ah?
-He didn't recognize me.
-Good news at last!
I couldn't help but smile.
I was holding Kamui's album in my hands. The cover was fuck ugly but still it occupied every aisle end display everywhere, and the shop I was in was no exception. I took out the laser disc to put in the audio station for public use and covered my ears with the headphones. The machine set off with a little electronic swish.
Several times in a row, I almost stopped the listening. It wasn't only his voice, terribly close, that upset me. Obviously this album was a total success: ambitious, but also woven with intimacy, all impregnated with the nostalgia of a time that never existed. Each song didn't belong to time even though they were painfully present in every instant. Three quaters of an hour later, I was vanquished. This album belonged to the kind that change the world. I could already see him selling millions of copies, filling whole stadiums with these melodies, and reaching higher than he could ever have reached with his former band. Higher than I could ever achieve: it was all about the pedigree. I never had that option.
A mongrel. Tumbleweeds.
Star dust.
Author:
sevenswells Rating: PG 13
(One True) Pairing: Gackt/Miyavi
Warnings: Not safe for work, yaoi, angst, alternate universe.
Word Count: 968 w.
Comments: Dedicated to
kamexkame, most perfect beta and friend ever. Thank you deeply, my dear.Still one chapter to go before it all ends. I'm being very emotional about it, aren't I?
One day as we were practising side by side, I asked Chacha, after one of his spectacular riffs, what his secret for being that good was. I wasn't particularly awaiting an answer, but he paused to think and replied:
-Imperfection.
My face might have borne some kind of quizzical expression at this point, because he went on, brandishing his guitar at arm's length:
"I'll never get the hang of this thing, it's a total burden for me. To start with, I had it all wrong: I actually thought I could get the hang of it. I practised like mad, without ever even getting close to what I had in my mind. Then, one magical day, everything just... unraveled.
-How so?
-The day I understood I'd never get anywhere close, that was the day I finally started producing something interesting.
-You've gotta be kidding.
-I swear to God, it unraveled, all of a sudden, it really did. Because, in the end, nothing's more boring than perfection, it doesn't catch one's ear. It's not intriguing. What's more, any useless bum out there can accomplish technical prowesses if only he gets down to it. On the other hand, once you've accepted and processed your fundamental imperfection, you know, just as a plain, stupid human being? That's when you can transcend it, and impose yourself, your subjectivity.
A silence, then he looked at me, scratching his beak-like nose, as though he felt self-conscious about throwing all those grandiloquent words at my face:
"Cause, that's what art is all about, right? Subjectivity. Following the same idea, that's also what visual rock is about, too. It's like, some kind of, absolute art, you know?
-Okay, so it's all about subjectivity, but also, and correct me if I'm wrong: about imperfection.
-That's, roughly, the idea, yes.
-Then what about Kamui?
He suddenly gave out a suprised laugh, as if he hadn't expected that one at all. His eyes still smiling, he said to me:
-Kamui... it's not the same thing.
The first words that left Kamui's mouth when I came back from my trip to Europe were: "How was Germany?"
Afterwards we discussed about it, sensibly, like two very civilized human beings.
I don't even remember that conversation, and words didn't matter. There was only this unforgiving feeling that, whatever I could say or do, it couldn't be helped in any way. All I had left to do was to pack my bags and leave.
-Do you think I've changed?
Kyo handed me my cup of tea without saying anything.
I tried again:
-I mean, I wanted to know whether you found me, like, different, or not?
He took his time to sit in front of me and folded his arms, elbows on the table.
-The blue-grey hair and the mohawk, they're new, aren't they, from your last clip? Looks good on you.
-It's from my trip to Europe. It's not what I'm asking you, stop that.
-Why don't you tell me what happened to make you come back all of a sudden and ask me existential questions?
-I'd rather not. Am I bothering you? Tell me if I am, okay.
-Come on, enough with that, I already told you I like having you around bugging me. I'm just a bit worried. You look distressed.
-Have you seen Takeshi lately?
-He drops by, from time to time. He's moved out, and that created expenses, so he has some money problems...
-Stop giving it to him.
-...
-Kyo?
-Yeah, yeah.
-I'm serious: stop giving money to him. Do you promise me?
-Yes, okay.
A pause.
-I've bought your album, he said finally.
-Ah.
-You should give me an autograph. It's great.
-You don't have to...
-No, really, it's really great.
-Thanks.
-Are you already preparing the next one, or...?
-Nah, I don't think I will.
I nursed my cup of tea between my hands.
"It wasn't really my world, I said without thinking. It wasn't for me.
Kyo handled me with kid gloves and kept his tone neutral:
-How so?
-I'm... a mongrel, I explained, inspired, as if struck by lightning. My only talent is my rage to survive.
-Don't say that.
I snickered.
-Whatever, let's talk about something else, I offered.
-What about?
-Are you seeing someone these days?
-Yes.
-How is he?
-He's kind. It's a change. Where have you been sleeping these last days? You can always come back here, you know. Whenever.
-I know. I'm good. Don't worry.
A silence, then I said again:
-Actually, Takeshi and I bumped into each other not very long ago.
-Ah?
-He didn't recognize me.
-Good news at last!
I couldn't help but smile.
I was holding Kamui's album in my hands. The cover was fuck ugly but still it occupied every aisle end display everywhere, and the shop I was in was no exception. I took out the laser disc to put in the audio station for public use and covered my ears with the headphones. The machine set off with a little electronic swish.
Several times in a row, I almost stopped the listening. It wasn't only his voice, terribly close, that upset me. Obviously this album was a total success: ambitious, but also woven with intimacy, all impregnated with the nostalgia of a time that never existed. Each song didn't belong to time even though they were painfully present in every instant. Three quaters of an hour later, I was vanquished. This album belonged to the kind that change the world. I could already see him selling millions of copies, filling whole stadiums with these melodies, and reaching higher than he could ever have reached with his former band. Higher than I could ever achieve: it was all about the pedigree. I never had that option.
A mongrel. Tumbleweeds.
Star dust.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-12-18 10:53 pm (UTC)Poor Meevers, so lost and alone.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-19 02:34 am (UTC)I can't believe there's only one more chapter! D:
no subject
Date: 2008-12-19 07:07 am (UTC)Miyavi's trouble with Gackt's perfection is really saddening. Makes me wonder how the last chapter will be like.
Since you wrote the fic first in french and translated it so beautifully to english, I assume you must really be fluent in both. Which is awesome, because I've been learning, speaking, and growing in a half-chinese environment ever since I was born and even now my chinese is terrible. >_> Bilingualism is hard.
Looking forward to ending this and starting your next (yakuza?) fic. I wish you swift hands! XD
no subject
Date: 2008-12-19 07:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-19 07:23 am (UTC)Oh Miyavi, I can imagine it must be so frustrating to be in his position. The uncertainty and the insecurity.I love the comparison of him with a mongrel, really apt.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 11:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 11:00 pm (UTC)Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 11:07 pm (UTC)Since you wrote the fic first in french and translated it so beautifully to english, I assume you must really be fluent in both.
Weeeeell... not really. My English is okay, but the real bilingual genius here is my beta,
Looking forward to ending this and starting your next (yakuza?) fic. I wish you swift hands! XD
Thanks a lot! I'll start the Yakuza fic in January; before that, I hope I can produce one or two oneshots ^^;; I hope you'll be around!
no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 11:09 pm (UTC)(just kidding, the end won't ever be bitter, since I'm a mushy idiot)
no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 11:12 pm (UTC)I love the comparison of him with a mongrel, really apt.
That's really funny, actually; this chapter's title comes from a Red Hot Chili Peppers song, and I didn't know that until after I put the chapter online, but the song is actually about the death of a dog (the bassist's dog)
no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 11:15 pm (UTC)I hope you'll still be around for the next up-and-coming fics :-D
DISREGARD!!! Testing, testing. One, Two Three!
Date: 2009-01-08 06:17 pm (UTC)Okay, I couldn't hold myself back I had to finish reading this!
I wanna fangirl SOOOO bad right now!!! Like, woah! You know?!?
But, BUT!!! These two Korean guys from my class last semester just sat down next to me (wtf?!?! the library's practically empty?!?! Don't they know I need to silently squeal and freak out, and thus look like I'm convulsing, completing the circle of life?!?! GOD!!!!) to study and I'm sorry to say, I'm UBER uncomfortable, freaking out in such close quarters to someone I KNOW!!!!
SOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I'll be right back after I make up some random excuse as to why I gotta go so I can stop cowering protectively around my screen and make a REAL comment!!! As soon as I go somewhere less public....
Because this chapter rocks so much it deserves a comment of gargantuan proportions!!!
(although the rate I'm going in this completely useless comment about why I'm writing such a useless comment, those gargantuan proportions have already been breached!!!)
brb.
and ttyl.
LOL!
*snort* I'm such a nerd!
Back with more nonsense!! DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMMM!
Date: 2009-01-11 02:18 pm (UTC)Okay, now it sounds like I'm confessing! ^^
...Which I totally AM!!! I love this CHAPTER, I love this FIC, I love how I have to THINK!!! But most of all, I LOVE YOU!!! *hearts galore*
Okay! So I take it Meeves ended up following a trail of Stardust to Germany, eh? Interesting. An attention seeking ploy, perhaps? *raised eyebrow* ^___________^
And I loved how you described their discussion on that issue as "sensible" and "civilized," I mean, isn't that just the greatest facade unto itself, because those two are anything BUT! Especially in their regards to one another! There's just so much that can be read about their relationship in those few sentences! I read that paragraph no less than 18 times, I kid you not!
But let me backtrack just a bit! Chacha is one deep little mother, isn't he? *thrilled*
So, I'm totally reading too much into this, but it feels like Chacha's brilliant insight could also be an allusion to Miyavi and how he relates not only to Gackt, but to himself. That all he needs to do is let go and just live, you know? And that when he stops trying so hard and forcing himself to attain the unattainable (ie: Gackt), that's when he'll be able to achieve that higher state of being, and things will just fall into place (ie: Gackt)! Of course this can also be applied to Gackt's view of Miyavi as well! ...And now I sound like some weirdo version of a fortune cookie!!
Or maybe it's really just about playing guitars, and if that's the case, ROCK ON!!!! *exaggerated rocker pose*
I feel like I'm one of those weirdo!poser!dorks at some art exhibition, waxing poetic about a painting of a purple circle with a diagonal line through it, going on about how this masterpiece is about the meaning of life and how it represents class struggle and its effects on modernism and blahblahblah when it's really just a painting of a purple circle with a diagonal line through it! There's a word for those types, I just can't put my finger on it! Whatever it is, that's probably me! I'm out to lunch more often than one would think on these subjects!! XPPPPPP
Not that I can ever call any work of yours a mere purple circle with a diagonal line through it!
And look at me wasting more space on nonsense! All this wonderfulness that you're feeding me is making my brain over-heat from the excitement and now I'm writing nothing of value!!! ^________^
MOVING ON!!!!
Need I even say that I'm in love with the Kyo/Miyavi moment? *squeals* I've always been a huge fan of Kyo! (Well, Kyo and everyone else you write about...) I feel that this little snippet of conversation just demonstrates how much Miyavi has grown and changed! More mellow and chill, very unlike how he sounds when he's talking to someone else! I love the bit about Meeve's "rage to survive" because it really highlights what makes him the way he is, and brings to the forefront, that in a way, his leaving Gackt, leaving that lifestyle, is a form of survival that allows him some form of acceptance which ties into what I think Chacha was getting at!
OMG!!!! Would you listen to me! There I go again making random connections that may or may not exist! I need to stop now lest I compromise the integrity of you story!!! GAH! I'm incorrigible!!! And I'm not even done!
Okay, real quick now, super beautiful the way you described Gackt's work and Meeve's thoughts on it:
Each song didn't belong to time even though they were painfully present in every instant.
*is speechless*
...
Okay, maybe not entirely speechless! This is ME we're talking about after all! (Not that we SHOULD be talking about me... FOCUS!!) More in utter awe of your brilliant prose. Beautiful.
A mongrel. Tumbleweeds.
Star dust.
A touch bitter, perhaps. But I can also taste a bit of regret in there too, which makes all the difference!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND AGAIN!!
Re: Back with more nonsense!! DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMMM!
Date: 2009-03-25 05:17 pm (UTC)And now I sound like some weirdo version of a fortune cookie!!
Not at all, there really was a message intended in what Chacha says; it's so cool you saw that! And yes, it's also about how Gackt and Miyavi mirror each other and are also total opposites, yada yada ^^
But there are connections indeed, your exquisite and quick brain doesn't deceive you at all, darling!
You really saw through it all (and through me!)!
LURVE you!