Theatricality FAIL
May. 28th, 2010 01:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sevenswellsWhat the fuck, Ryan Murphy. What the hell was this fuckery about?
Am I the only one to think that this week's GLEE episode was a total travesty, pun more or less intended? Man it SUCKED!
It started out funny and cool with Figgins and Tina, and then Rachel drama happened. And from then on it was just bad, bad drama all over the place. Here's how the episode went from my point of view :
RACHEL : Let's steal Vocal Adrenaline's ideas, even though we were so pissed off and/or depressed about people stealing ours in Sectionals!
QUINN and MERCEDES (a.k.a. : The Crack!Pairing From Hell) : Yay!
IDINA MENZEL : Theatricality is the title of this episode! Let me explain to you what it really means by singing an awful and totally unrelated Barbara Streisand song.
RACHEL : Oh hai Idina Menzel, we both like Barbara Streisand, I'm your daughter!
IDINA MENZEL : Just as planned, yay!... or not.
*cue inappropriate mother/daughter scene, with weird break-up line at the end*
*cut to the Hummel's house*
CAROL HUDSON: Oh hai son, so we're moving in with the Hummels and I found this totally fucked-up way of telling you! Isn't this cool?
BURT HUMMEL FROM BAD FANFIC : Oh and by the way? Even though I just announced that we have a ridiculous number of bathrooms in this house and I'm obviously filthy rich, you'll have to live in the same room as my gay son, because there's just no room elsewhere, LOL. I'm so accepting that my son is gay that I have no objections whatsoever of letting two hormone-crazed teenagers sleeping in the same room. Really, what could possibly go wrong?
CAROLE HUDSON : Wheee! I feel comfortable with that decision too!
FINN : ...Huh. Do I ever get to have a say in this or... ?
THE HUMMELS AND CAROL : NO. What are you talking about? We need bad drama to happen, okay!? Now shut up and eat your canapé.
*cut to weak Bad Romance performance, with no scenography, no choreography, and general lack of meaning. Santana is amazing, though*
*more Rachel/Idina Menzel drama, boring, boring, inappropriate, boring*
*cut to the boys' Kiss song. It's pretty good actually. Mark Salling's tight pants and tanned muscled arms are seriously distracting.*
There are just no words to describe how awesome this guy is.
Okay, back to sucky episode :
FOOTBALL JOCKS, shoving Kurt and Tina : We're evil and you're a fag, fag!
*cut to Kurt and Finn's room*
KURT : Evil jocks are evil, can you do something about it?
FINN : DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME I WILL PROTECT MY VIRTUE WITH MY LIFE!!!!!!
KURT : Wut? What are the sudden hysterics about?
FINN : YOU CAN'T HAVE YOU GAY WAYS WITH ME, MISTER! I AM AN HONEST WOMAN AND HAVE EVERY INTENTION OF STAYING SO! GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR!
*later*
KURT : Oh hai Finn, because I'm completely oblivious to the signs of you turning into a hissy bitch, I redecorated the room and now it looks like Jabba the Hut's tent! Will you put on this slave bikini for me please?
FINN : I'M NOT A FAG YOU'RE A FAG STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH YOUR FAG EYES AND THROW AWAY EVERYTHING THAT IS FAG IN THIS FAG ROOM!!!!
BURT HUMMEL FROM BAD FIC *jumping from the chandelier and flipping his cape out of his shoulder to reveal his rapier*: Ah-ha! Out of nowhere, I arrive! We meet again, Count Hudson! And by my sword, I swear that your misdemeanors won't go unpunished!
FINN : Wut?
BURT : Did you just call my son a fag?
FINN : Erm... "No"...?
BURT : Nice try but I heard you! Saying "fag" is not very nice, you know! That's, like, intolerance! And I won't tolerate intolerance under my roof, not like this is something I can't understand, since I've had my own intolerant moments in my young days! So, as a consequence, Finn, GTFO and never come back!
FINN : Wait, what? What is this, the 17th century? Can we at least talk about it? Also, aren't you kind of involved with my mom, which is the way all the bad drama happened?
BURT : Well, I'm so totally accepting that my son is gay that I don't care about throwing everything away just because you felt stressed out being forced to live in the same room with someone you didn't want to share anything with in the first place! Now shoo! *turns to Kurt* You're my pride and my joy, son, I love you with all my might, and you should be who you are and never change, and your difference is your strength, I totally accept that you're gay because that's who you are, look, I'm wearing my "I'm totally accepting that my gay son is gay and I love him and accept him as who he is, and who he is is GAY" T-shirt today, I also have the matching cap, pants and shoes but maybe the message was not clear enough so I had it tattooed all over my body AND on my forehead.
KURT : I know, Dad, that's, like, the seven hundredth time you told me since I came out to you. Now I really wished I kept my big mouth shut, because the haters aren't half as annoying as you are these days. For someone supposed to be a grunty character who's bad at conveying his feelings and intimate thoughts, you sure seem to talk an awful lot.
BURT : I'm so understanding!
KURT : Lord help us, it's like you're gayer than me.
*cut to Mark Salling singing in a too high pitch for his range but he's still fuckable as always*
PUCK : So! Against all odds, I'm the only one who's been paying attention to what we do on this show, and I'd like to sing a song that actually bears an echo to something happening in my life, you know, kinda like how it used to be before the hiatus, instead of meaningless performances randomly pulled out of the writers' ass? It may not be related to "theatricality" at all, but at this point of the episode no one else is really trying and I'm the only one making an effort, here. Also, I'm smokin' hot, and did I mention my dad is a ROCKER?
ME : I love you Puck. You're a shining star in the darkness of an ocean of despair, betrayal and inappropriate scenes between Idina Menzel and Rachel.
*cut to inappropriate scene between Idina Menzel and Rachel*
RACHEL *singing* : #I'll get him hot, show him what I got#
IDINA MENZEL *singing* : #Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face#
ME : *blinks* *blinks* What?
Poker Face?
What?
What kind of mother/daughter bonding moment is that?
WRONG!!! So much WRONG! Hopefully they'll cut the song short and not sing the bit about...
IDINA MENZEL *singing the "bluffin' with my muffin" line and acting all cute*
ME : OH NO THEY DID NOT. AUGH. BUT THEY DID. I FEEL SCARRED FOR LIFE.
*cut to Kurt being mauled*
FOOTBALL JOCKS : It's gay-bashing time, people! Ready? Three... Two...
FINNESSA FROM BAD FIC : Ah-ha! Out of nowhere, I arrive! Alas, what business do you villains have with this fair damsel in distress?
KURT : Finn...? Is there any chance you've been taking lessons of retarded heroics with my dad?
FINNESSA : I have, actually. And by the way, by the power of this ridiculous dress and feel-good comedy logic, I totally understand you now. I'm accepting who you are as a gay person, and I love you, and I'm proud of you son...
KURT : Wait, what?
FINNESSA : Sorry, got a little bit carried away. Hey, did you know your dad had this awesome machine that sticks electrodes inside your brain and runs electricity through it? I felt different after that, and much more accepting towards the gays.
FOOTBALL JOCKS : Sorry to interrupt, but could we please get on with it?
FINNESSA *drawing his rapier* : You betcha! En garde!
REST OF THE GLEEKS, popping out of nowhere : Ah-ha! We, too, arrive!
FOOTBALL JOCKS : Wow, this scene is so lame we're embarrassed we were even there. We're leaving now, just don't tell anybody you saw us, okay?
Enters WILL, slow clapping (Yes. Slow. Clapping.) : Here are my useless two pennies! I guess the morality of this episode is that we all completely missed the point of theatricality, that I have no fucking clue of what I'm doing most of the time since the beginning of this second half of season, and keep indulging in dubious behaviour as a teacher by repeatedly stealing ideas from others, and that we fucked up two awesome GaGa songs in a row! Always remember that, kids!
KURT : Also, I'm positive that the mere idea of wearing the same costume all week long should have normally given me a seizure, if there was such a thing as "character cohesion" in these post-hiatus episodes. But in a world where there's only one room available in a house with two and a half bathrooms, I guess it doesn't really matter, does it.
PUCK : Dude, tell me about it. The writers of the show only read bad fics these days, and not even the Puck/Kurt ones.
KURT : That's a shame. Tell you what, handsome, you and I, let's have sex, right away!
PUCK : Yay!
FINN : Did you notice how *understanding* I am now?
KURT : Can it, Finn, nobody cares.
IDINA MENZEL : Hai guyz, I have an idea! Let's all sing Poker Face again! #Can't read my, can't read my...#
*gets shot in the head*
The End. (I may or may not have *slightly* altered the final scene so that it wouldn't be so lame)
I love the Hummels, but I'd have rather not seen them at all - I've started to grow weary of Kurt's storyline since "Rose's Turn" in Laryngitis, the father/son bonding moments were nice and all, but already starting to get a bit repetitive, and with this episode, it went over wayyyyy over the top. Burt always just pops out of nowhere to save his son and/or tell him how much he accepts him and loves him and how he's totally okay with him being gay - ALRIGHT, WE GET IT! I'm bisexual, and I know how much it's important that your parents accept that because it's part of who you are, but this is starting to sound extremely fake and contrived, whereas the first few times Kurt and his dad had their moments (before the reprise of the season), it was terribly touching and spot on.
Burt just doesn't seem human anymore, he's starting to look more and more like Ryan Murphy's fantasy of an ideal dad, and I find that irritating.
This show is becoming what it was not supposed to be : a caricature. I'm getting season 7 of Buffy vibes out of it now : good ideas on paper, terrible, terrible way of putting them together and making them work.
No Sue, no Emma, no coherent follow-up of what happened before... There was so much they could do with that episode, and just... failed. At everything.
If they start to fuck up Puck as a character, I swear I'll be through with this show.
Am I the only one to think that this week's GLEE episode was a total travesty, pun more or less intended? Man it SUCKED!
It started out funny and cool with Figgins and Tina, and then Rachel drama happened. And from then on it was just bad, bad drama all over the place. Here's how the episode went from my point of view :
RACHEL : Let's steal Vocal Adrenaline's ideas, even though we were so pissed off and/or depressed about people stealing ours in Sectionals!
QUINN and MERCEDES (a.k.a. : The Crack!Pairing From Hell) : Yay!
IDINA MENZEL : Theatricality is the title of this episode! Let me explain to you what it really means by singing an awful and totally unrelated Barbara Streisand song.
RACHEL : Oh hai Idina Menzel, we both like Barbara Streisand, I'm your daughter!
IDINA MENZEL : Just as planned, yay!... or not.
*cue inappropriate mother/daughter scene, with weird break-up line at the end*
*cut to the Hummel's house*
CAROL HUDSON: Oh hai son, so we're moving in with the Hummels and I found this totally fucked-up way of telling you! Isn't this cool?
BURT HUMMEL FROM BAD FANFIC : Oh and by the way? Even though I just announced that we have a ridiculous number of bathrooms in this house and I'm obviously filthy rich, you'll have to live in the same room as my gay son, because there's just no room elsewhere, LOL. I'm so accepting that my son is gay that I have no objections whatsoever of letting two hormone-crazed teenagers sleeping in the same room. Really, what could possibly go wrong?
CAROLE HUDSON : Wheee! I feel comfortable with that decision too!
FINN : ...Huh. Do I ever get to have a say in this or... ?
THE HUMMELS AND CAROL : NO. What are you talking about? We need bad drama to happen, okay!? Now shut up and eat your canapé.
*cut to weak Bad Romance performance, with no scenography, no choreography, and general lack of meaning. Santana is amazing, though*
*more Rachel/Idina Menzel drama, boring, boring, inappropriate, boring*
*cut to the boys' Kiss song. It's pretty good actually. Mark Salling's tight pants and tanned muscled arms are seriously distracting.*
There are just no words to describe how awesome this guy is.
Okay, back to sucky episode :
FOOTBALL JOCKS, shoving Kurt and Tina : We're evil and you're a fag, fag!
*cut to Kurt and Finn's room*
KURT : Evil jocks are evil, can you do something about it?
FINN : DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME I WILL PROTECT MY VIRTUE WITH MY LIFE!!!!!!
KURT : Wut? What are the sudden hysterics about?
FINN : YOU CAN'T HAVE YOU GAY WAYS WITH ME, MISTER! I AM AN HONEST WOMAN AND HAVE EVERY INTENTION OF STAYING SO! GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR!
*later*
KURT : Oh hai Finn, because I'm completely oblivious to the signs of you turning into a hissy bitch, I redecorated the room and now it looks like Jabba the Hut's tent! Will you put on this slave bikini for me please?
FINN : I'M NOT A FAG YOU'RE A FAG STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH YOUR FAG EYES AND THROW AWAY EVERYTHING THAT IS FAG IN THIS FAG ROOM!!!!
BURT HUMMEL FROM BAD FIC *jumping from the chandelier and flipping his cape out of his shoulder to reveal his rapier*: Ah-ha! Out of nowhere, I arrive! We meet again, Count Hudson! And by my sword, I swear that your misdemeanors won't go unpunished!
FINN : Wut?
BURT : Did you just call my son a fag?
FINN : Erm... "No"...?
BURT : Nice try but I heard you! Saying "fag" is not very nice, you know! That's, like, intolerance! And I won't tolerate intolerance under my roof, not like this is something I can't understand, since I've had my own intolerant moments in my young days! So, as a consequence, Finn, GTFO and never come back!
FINN : Wait, what? What is this, the 17th century? Can we at least talk about it? Also, aren't you kind of involved with my mom, which is the way all the bad drama happened?
BURT : Well, I'm so totally accepting that my son is gay that I don't care about throwing everything away just because you felt stressed out being forced to live in the same room with someone you didn't want to share anything with in the first place! Now shoo! *turns to Kurt* You're my pride and my joy, son, I love you with all my might, and you should be who you are and never change, and your difference is your strength, I totally accept that you're gay because that's who you are, look, I'm wearing my "I'm totally accepting that my gay son is gay and I love him and accept him as who he is, and who he is is GAY" T-shirt today, I also have the matching cap, pants and shoes but maybe the message was not clear enough so I had it tattooed all over my body AND on my forehead.
KURT : I know, Dad, that's, like, the seven hundredth time you told me since I came out to you. Now I really wished I kept my big mouth shut, because the haters aren't half as annoying as you are these days. For someone supposed to be a grunty character who's bad at conveying his feelings and intimate thoughts, you sure seem to talk an awful lot.
BURT : I'm so understanding!
KURT : Lord help us, it's like you're gayer than me.
*cut to Mark Salling singing in a too high pitch for his range but he's still fuckable as always*
PUCK : So! Against all odds, I'm the only one who's been paying attention to what we do on this show, and I'd like to sing a song that actually bears an echo to something happening in my life, you know, kinda like how it used to be before the hiatus, instead of meaningless performances randomly pulled out of the writers' ass? It may not be related to "theatricality" at all, but at this point of the episode no one else is really trying and I'm the only one making an effort, here. Also, I'm smokin' hot, and did I mention my dad is a ROCKER?
ME : I love you Puck. You're a shining star in the darkness of an ocean of despair, betrayal and inappropriate scenes between Idina Menzel and Rachel.
*cut to inappropriate scene between Idina Menzel and Rachel*
RACHEL *singing* : #I'll get him hot, show him what I got#
IDINA MENZEL *singing* : #Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face#
ME : *blinks* *blinks* What?
Poker Face?
What?
What kind of mother/daughter bonding moment is that?
WRONG!!! So much WRONG! Hopefully they'll cut the song short and not sing the bit about...
IDINA MENZEL *singing the "bluffin' with my muffin" line and acting all cute*
ME : OH NO THEY DID NOT. AUGH. BUT THEY DID. I FEEL SCARRED FOR LIFE.
*cut to Kurt being mauled*
FOOTBALL JOCKS : It's gay-bashing time, people! Ready? Three... Two...
FINNESSA FROM BAD FIC : Ah-ha! Out of nowhere, I arrive! Alas, what business do you villains have with this fair damsel in distress?
KURT : Finn...? Is there any chance you've been taking lessons of retarded heroics with my dad?
FINNESSA : I have, actually. And by the way, by the power of this ridiculous dress and feel-good comedy logic, I totally understand you now. I'm accepting who you are as a gay person, and I love you, and I'm proud of you son...
KURT : Wait, what?
FINNESSA : Sorry, got a little bit carried away. Hey, did you know your dad had this awesome machine that sticks electrodes inside your brain and runs electricity through it? I felt different after that, and much more accepting towards the gays.
FOOTBALL JOCKS : Sorry to interrupt, but could we please get on with it?
FINNESSA *drawing his rapier* : You betcha! En garde!
REST OF THE GLEEKS, popping out of nowhere : Ah-ha! We, too, arrive!
FOOTBALL JOCKS : Wow, this scene is so lame we're embarrassed we were even there. We're leaving now, just don't tell anybody you saw us, okay?
Enters WILL, slow clapping (Yes. Slow. Clapping.) : Here are my useless two pennies! I guess the morality of this episode is that we all completely missed the point of theatricality, that I have no fucking clue of what I'm doing most of the time since the beginning of this second half of season, and keep indulging in dubious behaviour as a teacher by repeatedly stealing ideas from others, and that we fucked up two awesome GaGa songs in a row! Always remember that, kids!
KURT : Also, I'm positive that the mere idea of wearing the same costume all week long should have normally given me a seizure, if there was such a thing as "character cohesion" in these post-hiatus episodes. But in a world where there's only one room available in a house with two and a half bathrooms, I guess it doesn't really matter, does it.
PUCK : Dude, tell me about it. The writers of the show only read bad fics these days, and not even the Puck/Kurt ones.
KURT : That's a shame. Tell you what, handsome, you and I, let's have sex, right away!
PUCK : Yay!
FINN : Did you notice how *understanding* I am now?
KURT : Can it, Finn, nobody cares.
IDINA MENZEL : Hai guyz, I have an idea! Let's all sing Poker Face again! #Can't read my, can't read my...#
*gets shot in the head*
The End. (I may or may not have *slightly* altered the final scene so that it wouldn't be so lame)
I love the Hummels, but I'd have rather not seen them at all - I've started to grow weary of Kurt's storyline since "Rose's Turn" in Laryngitis, the father/son bonding moments were nice and all, but already starting to get a bit repetitive, and with this episode, it went over wayyyyy over the top. Burt always just pops out of nowhere to save his son and/or tell him how much he accepts him and loves him and how he's totally okay with him being gay - ALRIGHT, WE GET IT! I'm bisexual, and I know how much it's important that your parents accept that because it's part of who you are, but this is starting to sound extremely fake and contrived, whereas the first few times Kurt and his dad had their moments (before the reprise of the season), it was terribly touching and spot on.
Burt just doesn't seem human anymore, he's starting to look more and more like Ryan Murphy's fantasy of an ideal dad, and I find that irritating.
This show is becoming what it was not supposed to be : a caricature. I'm getting season 7 of Buffy vibes out of it now : good ideas on paper, terrible, terrible way of putting them together and making them work.
No Sue, no Emma, no coherent follow-up of what happened before... There was so much they could do with that episode, and just... failed. At everything.
If they start to fuck up Puck as a character, I swear I'll be through with this show.
