![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sevenswellsTitle: Hoshi no Suna
Author: sevenswells
Rating: NC-17
(One True) Pairing: Gackt/Miyavi
Warnings: Not safe for work, yaoi, angst, alternate universe.
Word Count: 1 318 w.
Comments: I'm FREEEEEEEEEEE... until my next exam. But nevermind, I'm still freeeeeeee right now!!! I'm really really sorry I didn't have time to reply to your extremely kind comments before, but now, I totally have, and I'm so happy about it!!!
This chapter is dedicated, as usual, to my supercalifragilstic beta![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kamexkame , ILU so so much *hugs**hugs**hugs some moar*, and also: happy birthday supacat !
And this is also for all of you whom are still reading this fic despite my lack of regular updates, thank you for your comments, I'm answering them right away!
The song had no melody. The lyrics made no sense. I looked like a girl.
-Is that really okay, my wearing a skirt?
The director looked at me as if I were retarded and I had asked where babies come from.
-You're a visual artist, right?
-Well... yeah.
-You think Mana-sama thinks twice about dressing as a gothic lolita? I suggest you focus on the next take, rather than wasting our time, he concluded dryly.
The whole team took position. The clap boy uttered numbers which sounded like gibberish, clapped, and I started to jump on the mini-trampoline, dressed with a long skirt, a sleeveless shirt and a cowboy hat, promising myself all the while that I'd definitely shut my fucking trap the next time.
I hadn't seen Kamui all day, and I was pretty sure he wasn't preparing any concert or album. I made Mario jump onto the next platform to pick the star of invincibility and go trash a renegade mushroom, blipping away. Kamui hadn't made love to me the previous night. That could happen, when he was really exhausted. Nothing to fret about. Under his floating bricks, Mario lost his invincibility, flashing on and off, as another mushroom was sliding towards him. I pushed the pause button.
I put the joystick aside and rubbed at my eyelids with my palms. I had been playing all day waiting for him; I was fed up. What the fuck was he up to?
He had been acting funny, these past few days. His music, when he practiced, had sounded... disembodied. Scholastic. His eyes had often been glassy. Not opaque, like when he was thinking about his usual improbable stuff. Glassy. And the night before, he had gone to sleep earlier than usual, without touching me even once.
At last I heard the main doors of the house slide; I got up like a little soldier. He entered the room accompanied by a long-haired guy who wore sunglasses. Kamui, he, was dressed up in full white. Except for the photoshoots where he wanted to appear fragile, he never wore such a color, not with his blonde hair. He glanced at me with a strange expression, without saying a word. The other guy shed his sunglasses and gave me a once-over. I stared back. His lips had gone under the knife.
-Ah, yes, said the guy, lowering his eyes, as if he couldn't bear the sight of me anymore. Kouji has told me about it. You've prepared that for quite a long time, haven't you?
He couldn't be bothered to conceal the disdain and bitterness in his voice. Kamui looked tired.
-Let's move on to the next room, he said to the guy. Miyavi.
I turned to him, ready to follow them.
He selected a video game box and handed it to me: Tekken 4.
-You may play. It's okay to turn the volume up as loud as you like.
He was only this polite with me when there were other people around. The things he used to whisper to me in bed were far more colloquial, of course.
I put the disk in the console and pushed the TV volume to the max as he'd told me to, having this impression that I was a kid with divorcing parents. I rapidly cleared the first level and as the next one was loading, there was a blank within which I heard Kamui shout:
-It has nothing to do with his death, you scheming motherfucker! Just say one more word about it and I'll fucking kill you!
The man's answer wasn't audible enough for me to grasp, however I could perceive the ice in his tone. A loud noise of crashing glass ensued.
I rushed inside the room, sliding the panels apart in one swift motion: I found Kamui, who stood amongst shattered porcelain, panting, obviously beside himself, whereas the other man had quietly remained kneeling upon the tatami, hands on his thighs. He took his time to stand up and pointed at me with a stiff finger:
-So, what about that? Is that unrelated as well?
Kamui kept silent. Their exchange of stares excluded me from the scene unfolding.
"We've got nothing to say to each other anymore, observed the man, and he carefully avoided making any contact with me as he went out.
Once the lights were off, Kamui came to lie beside me on the bed. His mind away, he ventured his hand onto my belly. This caress made me happy: he wasn't so mad at me that he would not touch me anymore.
-That was Mana, he said to nobody in particular, his face sunk into darkness. He traced out my salient hip bone; I started to shake.
"It's the end of Malice Mizer, he went on, his voice deprived of any kind of emotion. I didn't want that."
I twitched. He kissed me. His tongue went looking for mine to subdue it, so that it wouldn't start to waggle in vain asking useless questions. I didn't care. I wound my arms about his nape. I lifted up my pelvis to press my crotch against his hand which still hesitated to stroke me directly. It didn't do much more, despite the obviousness of my arousal. Worried, I broke our kiss, looking for the expression on his face. Only the shadows stared back at me.
"I want to watch you doing it, he said with the same blank and inexpressive voice.
He gently broke away from my embrace and I felt his body heat withdraw. I didn't dare look at him anymore. I moved a trembling hand towards my stiffened shaft, took hold of it and started to jack off.
I suppressed my moans. I wanted to hear Kamui, if only his breathing. I resented myself for panting so loud. I wasn't bothered by the fact that he was only watching, I just wanted to feel him near me. I wanted to see him too. See his real face, to read desire on it or whatever it was he felt for me, I needed it.
His hand emerged from darkness, fingers extended forward. It settled on my chest; the mere contact made me stroke harder. It crept up and caught my throat and squeezed. I didn't stop masturbating, I wouldn't have stopped for anything in the world. Whatever he does to you, I repeated to myself, whatever he does, just, just let him.
I was terrified, I was going to die. But I had to hang on. I knew he was testing me. My chest hurt, the orgasm was rising, I lost control of my movements, my head was spinning; I came. At the same time, my body reacted by reflex and brutally bucked to escape death. His hand didn't even resist: it let go of my throat at the first jolt and went back to the shadow. I swallowed a sharp and painful gulp of air; it was engulfed too fast inside my lungs and made me cough violently.
I had failed. I had betrayed him.
I sat up on the edge of the bed, massaging my throat. The tears welled up by themselves. I had trouble swallowing and finding my breath again: my sobs had to be muffled.
I almost jumped when the light briskly flooded the room.
"Come here, Kamui said with a solemn face, Kamui's face.
He pulled me towards him. I snuggled up against his body, feeling his heat again, which made me cry anew, shamelessly.
-We could, I hiccuped. If you want... if you want, you can still...
-Shhhh.
He kissed my forehead then he licked his middle finger and pushed it inside of me, to start preparing me for penetration.
As I learned later on, Kami, Malice Mizer's drummer, had been cremated that day.
It also happened, by mere coincidence, that it was the same day my first single was released.
Author: sevenswells
Rating: NC-17
(One True) Pairing: Gackt/Miyavi
Warnings: Not safe for work, yaoi, angst, alternate universe.
Word Count: 1 318 w.
Comments: I'm FREEEEEEEEEEE... until my next exam. But nevermind, I'm still freeeeeeee right now!!! I'm really really sorry I didn't have time to reply to your extremely kind comments before, but now, I totally have, and I'm so happy about it!!!
This chapter is dedicated, as usual, to my supercalifragilstic beta
kamexkame , ILU so so much *hugs**hugs**hugs some moar*, and also: happy birthday supacat !And this is also for all of you whom are still reading this fic despite my lack of regular updates, thank you for your comments, I'm answering them right away!
Si tu cherches un abri
Inaccessible
Dis-toi qu'il n'est pas loin
Et qu'on y brille
A ton étoile
Noir Désir
If you're looking for an
Unreachable shelter
Tell yourself it's not far
And there we shine
To your star
Inaccessible
Dis-toi qu'il n'est pas loin
Et qu'on y brille
A ton étoile
Noir Désir
If you're looking for an
Unreachable shelter
Tell yourself it's not far
And there we shine
To your star
The song had no melody. The lyrics made no sense. I looked like a girl.
-Is that really okay, my wearing a skirt?
The director looked at me as if I were retarded and I had asked where babies come from.
-You're a visual artist, right?
-Well... yeah.
-You think Mana-sama thinks twice about dressing as a gothic lolita? I suggest you focus on the next take, rather than wasting our time, he concluded dryly.
The whole team took position. The clap boy uttered numbers which sounded like gibberish, clapped, and I started to jump on the mini-trampoline, dressed with a long skirt, a sleeveless shirt and a cowboy hat, promising myself all the while that I'd definitely shut my fucking trap the next time.
I hadn't seen Kamui all day, and I was pretty sure he wasn't preparing any concert or album. I made Mario jump onto the next platform to pick the star of invincibility and go trash a renegade mushroom, blipping away. Kamui hadn't made love to me the previous night. That could happen, when he was really exhausted. Nothing to fret about. Under his floating bricks, Mario lost his invincibility, flashing on and off, as another mushroom was sliding towards him. I pushed the pause button.
I put the joystick aside and rubbed at my eyelids with my palms. I had been playing all day waiting for him; I was fed up. What the fuck was he up to?
He had been acting funny, these past few days. His music, when he practiced, had sounded... disembodied. Scholastic. His eyes had often been glassy. Not opaque, like when he was thinking about his usual improbable stuff. Glassy. And the night before, he had gone to sleep earlier than usual, without touching me even once.
At last I heard the main doors of the house slide; I got up like a little soldier. He entered the room accompanied by a long-haired guy who wore sunglasses. Kamui, he, was dressed up in full white. Except for the photoshoots where he wanted to appear fragile, he never wore such a color, not with his blonde hair. He glanced at me with a strange expression, without saying a word. The other guy shed his sunglasses and gave me a once-over. I stared back. His lips had gone under the knife.
-Ah, yes, said the guy, lowering his eyes, as if he couldn't bear the sight of me anymore. Kouji has told me about it. You've prepared that for quite a long time, haven't you?
He couldn't be bothered to conceal the disdain and bitterness in his voice. Kamui looked tired.
-Let's move on to the next room, he said to the guy. Miyavi.
I turned to him, ready to follow them.
He selected a video game box and handed it to me: Tekken 4.
-You may play. It's okay to turn the volume up as loud as you like.
He was only this polite with me when there were other people around. The things he used to whisper to me in bed were far more colloquial, of course.
I put the disk in the console and pushed the TV volume to the max as he'd told me to, having this impression that I was a kid with divorcing parents. I rapidly cleared the first level and as the next one was loading, there was a blank within which I heard Kamui shout:
-It has nothing to do with his death, you scheming motherfucker! Just say one more word about it and I'll fucking kill you!
The man's answer wasn't audible enough for me to grasp, however I could perceive the ice in his tone. A loud noise of crashing glass ensued.
I rushed inside the room, sliding the panels apart in one swift motion: I found Kamui, who stood amongst shattered porcelain, panting, obviously beside himself, whereas the other man had quietly remained kneeling upon the tatami, hands on his thighs. He took his time to stand up and pointed at me with a stiff finger:
-So, what about that? Is that unrelated as well?
Kamui kept silent. Their exchange of stares excluded me from the scene unfolding.
"We've got nothing to say to each other anymore, observed the man, and he carefully avoided making any contact with me as he went out.
Once the lights were off, Kamui came to lie beside me on the bed. His mind away, he ventured his hand onto my belly. This caress made me happy: he wasn't so mad at me that he would not touch me anymore.
-That was Mana, he said to nobody in particular, his face sunk into darkness. He traced out my salient hip bone; I started to shake.
"It's the end of Malice Mizer, he went on, his voice deprived of any kind of emotion. I didn't want that."
I twitched. He kissed me. His tongue went looking for mine to subdue it, so that it wouldn't start to waggle in vain asking useless questions. I didn't care. I wound my arms about his nape. I lifted up my pelvis to press my crotch against his hand which still hesitated to stroke me directly. It didn't do much more, despite the obviousness of my arousal. Worried, I broke our kiss, looking for the expression on his face. Only the shadows stared back at me.
"I want to watch you doing it, he said with the same blank and inexpressive voice.
He gently broke away from my embrace and I felt his body heat withdraw. I didn't dare look at him anymore. I moved a trembling hand towards my stiffened shaft, took hold of it and started to jack off.
I suppressed my moans. I wanted to hear Kamui, if only his breathing. I resented myself for panting so loud. I wasn't bothered by the fact that he was only watching, I just wanted to feel him near me. I wanted to see him too. See his real face, to read desire on it or whatever it was he felt for me, I needed it.
His hand emerged from darkness, fingers extended forward. It settled on my chest; the mere contact made me stroke harder. It crept up and caught my throat and squeezed. I didn't stop masturbating, I wouldn't have stopped for anything in the world. Whatever he does to you, I repeated to myself, whatever he does, just, just let him.
I was terrified, I was going to die. But I had to hang on. I knew he was testing me. My chest hurt, the orgasm was rising, I lost control of my movements, my head was spinning; I came. At the same time, my body reacted by reflex and brutally bucked to escape death. His hand didn't even resist: it let go of my throat at the first jolt and went back to the shadow. I swallowed a sharp and painful gulp of air; it was engulfed too fast inside my lungs and made me cough violently.
I had failed. I had betrayed him.
I sat up on the edge of the bed, massaging my throat. The tears welled up by themselves. I had trouble swallowing and finding my breath again: my sobs had to be muffled.
I almost jumped when the light briskly flooded the room.
"Come here, Kamui said with a solemn face, Kamui's face.
He pulled me towards him. I snuggled up against his body, feeling his heat again, which made me cry anew, shamelessly.
-We could, I hiccuped. If you want... if you want, you can still...
-Shhhh.
He kissed my forehead then he licked his middle finger and pushed it inside of me, to start preparing me for penetration.
As I learned later on, Kami, Malice Mizer's drummer, had been cremated that day.
It also happened, by mere coincidence, that it was the same day my first single was released.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 11:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-09 03:18 pm (UTC)Not much I can really say, but you've got a gift.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 11:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-10 01:03 am (UTC)Very interesting.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 11:23 am (UTC)the enticing sadistic behaviour of Gackt
OMG yes, thanks, I loooove to write him that way; I dunno if you're a fan, but Gackt is THE original sadist actually... I guess I'll have to make a whole post about it someday :-DDDD
no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 04:04 am (UTC)Thank you soooo much for dedicating this chapter to me as well (*forces herself to say it* you don't have to keep doing that ^_____________^""" even if it makes me incrediblyüberhappy everytime)!!! For some reason I feel so touched that you called me supercalifragilistic.
I think I'm able to appreciate Hoshi No Suna even more and slightly differently this time around beta-ing it. The urgency of 'zomgwhat'llhappennextnowzomgzomg' has dimmed somewhat because I do know now (although I'm surprised at how much I feel the tension mounting anew as I reread and I get upset and excited and elated all over again) and I can appreciate other aspects better. To mention only one, your story telling skills kill me. You're a master at DRAMA for which I adore you. You're the PUPPETMASTER (I've no idea what I'm saying but it feels like that!). Visconti is your cousin. I need to go yoga O.O *time flies when I try to explain to you how totally great you are*
'Wire to Wire''s love.
You have made me realize I really like Razorlight. I hadn't been aware they were the 'America' and 'In The Morning' dudes. *listening to love*
no subject
Date: 2008-11-20 11:45 am (UTC)Thanks for all your compliments, you know how much it's important for me that you in particular like this fic.
'Wire to Wire''s love.
Ain't it? ^_____^ Love sharing the music with you ^^
no subject
Date: 2008-11-14 04:28 pm (UTC)This story really draws me in. I like how you write Miyavi pov, truly realistic. Gackt is still shrouded in so much mystery, can't wait to find out more!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-20 11:47 am (UTC)Thank you for coming back to comment on this! ^___^
Gackt is still shrouded in so much mystery, can't wait to find out more!
*clears throat* Hem.
Well that's the thing about him. He won't let us find out more, I'm afraid. But I hope that you'll still want to read this fic, though ^^
no subject
Date: 2008-11-18 04:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-20 11:50 am (UTC)but on the other,i like this too much to read the end of it.
That's a super nice thing to say. Thanks a bunch, it makes me go all soft inside ;____; *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2008-11-21 10:16 pm (UTC)LOVE IT! LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!!!
Love YOU so much!
I've said this before, and I'll probably say it time and time again, but I love how you give Gackt's eyes such CHARACTER!!! It really brings home the idea that eyes are the windows to the soul! How every nuance, every emotion, all that internal anguish, can be expressed by something so simple!!! ...And now I'm just waxing poetic, but his eyes, his EYES!!! *melts*
And what I wouldn't give up, to be a fly on the wall when Gackt flips out! I actually felt CHILLS running down my spine! It would blow my mind to be able to witness him losing composure, to see a glimpse of humanity in his otherwise stoic self. Not that he doesn't have bouts of passion when he's with Miyavi, but seeing him angry would be quite a delight! Although, if given a choice, I'd totally rather watch them fuck, than watch Gackt mad. I am such a pervert!!! ^______^ OOOO! Compromise! Gackt, go get mad at Meeves, then we can have a little break up sex, followed with a side make up sex! I'm a genius! XDDDDDDD
Miyavi, Miyavi, Miyavi. What a sweetheart! I am in love with everything about him! The biggest fan of your Miyavi! And what a way to display kink!
Meeve's reaction, his thoughts on his self-imposed test of loyalty, beautiful! I love it when pretty boys cry! ;P The whole scene actually made MY breathe shallow and made me swallow hard afterwards, like I was there! Creepy!
And speaking of creepy! Am I not the most creepiest, stalker!reader EVER?!?! I'm CLEARLY reading too much into everything and getting too attached!!! I don't even know what I'm gonna do with myself when it's all over!!! *cries*
I can't see it. I just can't! My mind is refusing to make the connection from the obedient, docile pet Miyavi is here, to the little rebel-without-a-cause from the beginning of this story! OMG! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!?!? What made him run away?!?! *about to burst* TELL ME!!!
NO! Don't tell me!!! I don't want this to end!! *wails*
no subject
Date: 2008-12-15 11:28 pm (UTC)Compromise! Gackt, go get mad at Meeves, then we can have a little break up sex, followed with a side make up sex! I'm a genius!
You are! *hugs to death* Now go write a fic about it, plizzzzz!!!
And speaking of creepy! Am I not the most creepiest, stalker!reader EVER?!?! I'm CLEARLY reading too much into everything and getting too attached!!! I don't even know what I'm gonna do with myself when it's all over!!! *cries*
Stalk away my dear, it's not creepy at all cos I can feel the love! *hugs* You're great, stalker-san.
It's a very deep compliment for me. Thanks, babe. You don't know how much it means to me.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-24 12:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-15 11:29 pm (UTC)