sevenswells | FIRST CLASS MY ASS!

OH GOD THAT MOVIE MADE ME SO ANGRY.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I WAS ANGRY LIKE THAT IN A CINEMA... WAIT, IT WAS WHEN I SAW KICK-ASS WHICH WAS ALSO A TURD. And it's the same director: I guess this explains that.
I have now identified my enemy. Matthew Vaughn, I will find you. I will find you and I will make you suffer. I don't know how or when, just know that I'm coming to get you, and you will pay for those long, very long hours of my life spent on that useless piece of shit you dare call a movie.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE A FILM DIRECTOR WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO *FILM* CORRECTLY?? How, just HOW can you get, in this day and age, camera angles so WRONG that they make every single fucking scene look flat, devoid of any dramatic tension, and ridiculous to the point of no return? Is that some kind of super power? Seriously, how do you do it?

I'm nerdy and all, but I don't give a fuck about the original X-Men licence. I'm an occasional X-Men fan, nothing more. So I can say that X-Men First Class was the worst movie of the year without just being a bitter fangirl disappointed by the adaptation. In fact I had no expectations whatsoever about it, so I couldn't possibly be disappointed. And still... within the first fifteen minutes I wanted to get the fuck out of the cinema screaming and pulling my hair off. IT WAS SO BADLY FILMED AND WRITTEN. EVEN THE TWILIGHT MOVIES WERE BETTER DIRECTED AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.

And no, I didn't care for the slashy undertones. Magneto, played by some cheap version of Viggo Mortensen, was a dumbass with the charisma of a plastic fork making stupid derpfaces whenever he used his powers, and Xavier was a spineless (pun not intended) jerk, not even interesting enough for me to find appropriate insults to define him. So no thanks, I don't want to read about any kind of romance between those two.

Give me back Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart, and the hours of my life I've wasted watching that fucking trainwreck.